to think that i only have four exams left until i never have to leave school is quite worrying. my headteacher told me today that i'd be left to my own devices. clearly, she doesn't know what my devices are and is unaware that she is giving me terrible advice.
however, unlike the usual drug fueled and random sex filled summer i had last summer, i feel that this summer it will be a slightly more dignified affair. i've decided that i will give up smoking, anal sex and mdma in hope that i will become a more pleasant individual.
i know this sounds ridiculous and unlike me, but maybe it's time i grew up; took hold and treasured what i have close. this summer will now be filled with going to london, teaching english in my new job,  ludicrous amounts of drawing and possibly finding a summer romance.
who knows? maybe i will become the person i always aspired to be.

meanwhile, i sit here avoiding revision with the overhanging feeling of disappointment nigh. maybe if i do well in my gcses i'll buy myself a new cat. or maybe, i'll still be the same arty 'hipster' shit i always was. hopefully, i'll cheer the fuck up and stop being so melodramatic about every situation that faces me.

i love life.

rodrigo met me at victoria wearing three inch heels.

today consisted of the following

• eating mcdonalds x3
• getting baked with ed
• ordering dominoes
• dyeing my hair when i shouldn't have
• getting excited to see harry, joe, vicky, lux, rodrigo, boo and zora again

xoxoxoxo

hello. i'm gracie and i like to smoke marlboro gold. 

You're not unlucky, you're just not very smart.These things will never leave you - they're as close as you can getTo a blueprint for the future - but you can call it fate.It's like these days I have to write down almost every thought I've held,So scared I am becoming of forgetting how it felt,And these fears they will unravel me one day,But still I am afraid. 

 this is how i feel when i remember that i'm meant to be at a crucial point in my life. i'm meant to be worried about how they will affect the future and apply that to my work ethic, but currently, i have no future plans and i have a lust for being young forever. 
when you're young you dream of being a popstar or a vet or a mum but i've never shared those desires. from the age of four, i noticed that girls never got as exciting a toy at christmas compared to boys and maybe that started my drive to change life for women. or maybe i've just always been a massive argumentative bitch.


i should probably drink some tea now, get dressed and REVISE now

amō, that means to love in latin

okay, so i am single and everyone keeps asking "are you okay baby?"

of course i am you silly children. i am sixteen years old, i do not know what love is, i merely understand a deep friendship. sex is a hobby - not an act of commitment and those who say that it is, are bullshitting. how at sixteen can you understand something so intimate and passionate? what even is love?

love

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection for another person.

3. sexual passion or desire.

4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person.
5. as in a term of endearment using direct address towards another

“Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but not the essence.” Vincent van Gogh

“Everybody can be great… because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. you only need a heart full of grace. a soul generated by love.” Martin Luther King

“To say the truth, reason and love keep little company together now-a-days.” William Shakespeare

“If you’ve lost your faith in love and music then the end won’t be long.” Pete Doherty

genuinely, i do not think anyone knows, it's simply an invention of humankind to fill a void in their life. so what if you're ninety and have twenty cats? you're happy and that's it, being in love doesn't mean you're content with life at all.

SLOW CLUB: 02.05.12

Last night was simply quite spectacular.

The first support act, Two Jackals were much better than I personally anticipated. I thought of them as a younger, fresh version of Joy Division and anyway that knows me well enough will clarify that I love Joy Division more than life. For a group of sixteen year olds, their music was original and in a strange sort of way, uplifting. In comparison to other young bands, they're definitely in my top three and I would definitely recommend giving 'Here or Now' a listen. The drummer, I did have a cigarette with him but sadly I've forgotten his name, is rad and his drumming ability is fab. In fact, all the members of Two Jackals are exceptionally talented and I would highly rate them if you're young and want something a little grunge, post rock and trippy.

I don't know what Martin Creed were attempting to achieve but it did lead to me cracking out some of the embarrassing dad dancing. The music itself reminds me of my Dad's best friends band "Brother's of Mothershovel" (hark at the name) who pretend (yes, pretend) to be sponsored by Lidl. The lyrics were erm, snappy and songs mainly consisted of repeated chanting such as the song '1-100' which pretty much did count up to 100. 

SLOW CLUB, oh really, what can I say other than that they were pure perfection?! Charles and Rebecca's voices work better together than any other band's I've ever seen. A lot of the songs on the setlist were from Paradise with a few from their new EP. I positively teared up at "Not mine 2 luv" and IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. "The Dog" got everyone moving, and Steve the little guitarist and saxophone player genuinely made my night. He reminded me of a pop up mole as he just had that envious natural ability to disappear and reappear spontaneously. On a slightly more shallow note, I'd just like to mention that I have the same creepers as Rebecca and as for Charles' beard, I can only wish. 

After successfully stealing all possible set lists, I managed to get to meet Charles and Rebecca who were genuinely such lovely, down-to-earth people. I fangirled and got a photo and even with my three inch brogues on, I still remain ridiculously petite. 

                             

i am truly disgusted with the catholic church 

everything about the above (taken from a local catholic newsletter) in my opinion is wrong. in fact, i am tempted to email the pope or something because this is just shocking.

i’m almost positive that this is against the equality act of 2006 as well as many others. what makes me more angry is that despite all of these acts and laws being passed; institutional prejudice is still ongoing and publishing something like this in the form of a newsletter is SEXUAL HATRED.

what’s more appalling is that a sermon was given by the priest at my (now ex) church. he asked people to sign a petition disagreeing with gay marriage because, as he explained it, god intended marriage to be pure between a man and a woman and it’s simply not the same with two men.

i am sorry (but yes i did research this) the teachings of the catholic church state that homosexuality is not a sin and is not condemned. at the point when this was discussed by the priest, i walked out into the street.

i went back after church so i could talk to my mother but she shunned me, along with others in the church. many people were signing the petition at the back and discussing homosexual men and women as if they were dog shit.

i will never step foot in that church again

xoxoxooxoxo

WOW, it's been almost a month since I blogged and frankly I wish I could say I was doing something relatively interesting during that time. So quickly, a run through of my melodramatic and somewhat boring current life:

1. I went to the Hunger Games European Premiere. More importantly, I met Katie Price. Now, I'm not one for judging people until I've met them but I now feel I can say this. How dare someone so FAKE and REPULSIVE claim to be a feminist role model? Feminism should be about embracing being a radiant, confident female - not making yourself into a sexual object for male pleasure. I'm all for body alterations but when someone labels themselves as a feminist and they happily promote objectifying themselves AND do not act stupid and vulnerable so males feel more powerful.

2. I got an A in my Media and English coursework. I decided to focus my Magazine Study in Media based around Cosmopolitan and feminism as such - hardly surprising eh? However, I am appalled at how Cosmopolitan claims to be 'feminist', 'pro-woman' etc. The majority of articles are still fixated around women being sexual objects, sex tips to PLEASE THE MALE ONLY and diet tips as well as how to look good. I thought this magazine was meant to provide confidence and encouragement to women - to remind us about how we do deserve to have a right to free speech. Everything in that magazine in merely skin deep and incredibly SHALLOW. Hopefully, my magazine 'Passion For Pussy' juztaposed Cosmo's 'ideas' of feminism and gave a real outlook and indepth view into feminism and THINGS THAT WOMEN SHOULD READ.

3. I emailed Cosmo to complain about it's comment and wrote that as a 16 year old young woman, many other girls my age were being influenced by it's content as well as older women. They emailed back saying that they couldn't reply to my personal email because as I specified, I was 16 and not 18. What age can I be allowed to be a feminist, Cosmo?

4. I was in Clinton Cards and came across a truly horrific card. I simply don't understand the joke factor. Why the HELL is this a card and how was it even allowed to be produced? I didn't see one card stating 'funniest racist joke' or 'funniest homophobic joke' not that they should be permitted of course. I just think that if we are going to work together to stop sexism being such a socially accepted "joke" then cards should NOT BE produced mocking and ENCOURAGING such things. I'm still awaiting a reply from Head Office.

5. Finally, I got my prom dress which was a bargain at £45 from Urban Outfitters and is something I would definitely wear again. I'm pairing it with creepers or Doc Martens because being my height of just over 5ft would mean that I'd look out of proportion wearing heels and plus, WHY DO PEOPLE WEAR HEELS WHEN THEY HURT YOUR FEET? SILLY WOMEN! Unfortunately my Headteacher wouldn't allow me to attend prom in a suit or in a dress made from duct tape - and as for the shoes, i don't think I'm even going to bother asking.

WHAT'S A GIRL TO DO?!?!?! uhuh

THINGS I’M THINKING ABOUT AT 12:39 BY GRACE CANELLE-DANCE
i like boys who like cats and cats that like boys. I’m on the 67th page of my book and i’m laughing at the fact i have the 69th page soon. I like milk but only the green milk and i’ve never really been keen on milkshakes or dogs. In fact i hate dogs, i’m petrified. I can never remember important things like equations and facts but i can always remember the lyrics to my favourite songs or even my not so favourites (ahem, nelly, sclub). My room is like my brain, full of junk and other than having lots of cats i have no aspirations in my life and that probably should worry me but it doesn’t. The only things i think about nowadays is when the next time i’ll see my friends are and what we’ll do when we see one another. Because, as i’ve found, all the best people live far away. My favourite month is winter, i like the power cuts and the big jumpers, i like having the excuse to stay in. I don’t mind summer though but being cold is so much better than being hot. My favourite poem is “I want to be yours” by John Cooper Clarke, which i suppose can be seen as a generic teenage ‘love’ song written by a punk poet (slight twist) but “i want to be your vacuum cleaner, breathing in your dust” always makes me giggle and the lady of shalott is only good when i can remember most of it from analysing it in year 4, “willows witen, aspens quiver, little breezes dusk and shiver” i like muffled words and shouting yr favourite songs loud, i like standing in crowds of passionate fans and i like sitting alone in the woods, i try my best to understand people but throughout high school every friendship (other than two or three) i’ve ever made has been thrown back in my face. I over use the words; chill, party, rollin, cruisin, fab, ace, rad and cheeky. I don’t even know what i’m writing and i really need to sleep before i completely loose the plot.

School, the workplace, a breeding ground for slut-shaming and sexist remarks taken lightly. Living in a society where size 2 is the new size 8 and size 12 makes you overweight. Where getting honked at and your bum squeezed by desperate creepy men is a compliment. Where anyone who calls themselves a feminist is wrong, and women who like sex are sluts. how many people have you slept with? why does it matter? I am a woman, i deserve respect, i will not make you a sandwich and my place is not in the kitchen. my place is the classroom, the courtroom, on the frontline, breaking the cliques room, of male dominance. Why should i carry a rape alarm? Why does society teach don't get raped instead of don't rape? it's okay to shave, it's okay not to shave, wear your skirts short OR long, boobs out or in, just remember always have your head held high, feminism is the radical idea that women are people.

today i experienced the true wrath of the cult at school. the eastern european man put his hands on my shoulders and his head on my legs and started whispering "god save her" for around five minutes and then got up and did a weird little dance/song. i thought it was amusing yet at the same time, i was terrified. afterwards, he asked me how i felt, and for his benefit (and for the sheer hilarity of it) said i felt touched and free. his response was that god had entered me and i was no free.

the flash on my camera makes my hair look dark. it isn't.

this is me. small and awkward.

i don't know how more people haven't got mental health problems

thinking is one of the most stressful things i've ever come across

and not being able to articulate what i want to say drives me crazy

i think i should read more books to learn some new words

my brother used to read the dictionary, so i'm gonna start with that

x

today i was told by my head of year that i am incredibly messy, unorganised and would struggle to get anywhere like this to which i replied "einstein was messy and a genius". just because i have a high amount of bunting, cushions, own artwork and nude photography does not make me the unintelligent dickhead he assumes. i just have better things to do than 'be a woman'.

i would like to add that the bottom photo is the result of my bedroom after a party in which i'm surprised i didn't catch a disease. in fact, the photo was taken by my mother as 'evidence' to show that i was (apparently) off the rails. i'd also like to add, that in the bottom photo, you can see me, asleep, in what looks like a pile of period blood or sick. it's sick, oKAY.

i am back at school. uH. life has been full of partying, sleeping and not revising.

how is it gone 7pm, i swear i only got up a little while ago, only now remembering how much of my day has been spent painting a dumb response in acrylics, uh uh uh
i am sewing felt hearts on my tights to wear tomorrow, it’s only just occured to me how much stuff you can make from felt/by felting. I have looked at clothes diy blogs and they felt different things into clothes and use fabric paint on tights which has inspired me to do so also. as a new project to do i am going to try and remake tavi’s pom pom jumper as it’s amazing, well, pretty much everything about her is but that’s not the point!

Born To Die - Lana Del Rey

A song-by-song review of my first listen, with each part under 140 characters. I was expecting to really like this because there was something about 'Video Games' which I could quite put my finger on but still liked, despite it being like nothing else I listened to. I have to say I was more than a bit disappointed, but nonetheless, here is my opinion:

Born To Die - Like a dream but a really long dream which gets slightly dull and is a bit depressing, y'know?

Off To The Races - If Cher Lloyd could sing, this is what it would sound like. Surprisingly, I like this quite a bit. Endings alright too.

Blue Jeans - Lyrics are a bit sentimental but her voice is so pretty. Could listen to it for an abnormally long time. The ending is a bit sudden :-(

Video Games - I love this and I'm unashamed to. Still incredibly dream like and over-sentimental but her voice is so soothing I don't know.

Diet Mountain Dew - As terrible as Diet Mountain Dew. I don't understand what this is or where it's come from but so terrible.

National Anthem - Intro is like listening to U2 and having your ears popped. The subject and her voice are great and in contrast to the whole album. Favourite.

Dark Paradise - If we just ignore how sentimental this is, this is really interesting and kind of beautiful. Her voice is SO GOOD. No one agrees.

Radio - Lots of singing alone and just being beautiful.

Carmen - "She laughs like God" bit weird, but I like the song even if the lyrics are too sentimental and a bit crap again.

Million Dollar Man - I feel like this sounds French and a bit sorrowful in places. Kind of feels like it should be a grand finale, but it's not.

Summertime Sadness - A key theme in this album is lack of respect for herself and her body. She sounds a bit of a slut here. It's alright.

This Is What Makes Us Girls - Nice title. I don't think I agree with any of this, but as an ending it's pretty good and brings the whole theme together.

So in conclusion, not a huge fan or half what I wanted/was expecting. There's no denying I enjoy her voice and think she has unusual and entertaining qualities but the whole message of the album was too sentimental, focused on being young and foolish and whether it's her intention to be ironic or not, she seems to have no idea what it was to be a feminist. I can't be sorry for her. I don't think this will be something I come back to a lot which is a shame due to the fact that I have spent £24 on the vinyl. 

Oh, I wish I had a boyfriend, I wish I had a loving man in my life.
I wish I had a father, maybe then I would have turned out right.
And now I'm just crazy, I'm totally mad.

Last night was spent with Bernadette and Billy drinking adequate amounts of Carlsberg and smoking endless amounts of cigarettes to which led to Billy serenading me with "Lust for Life" which if anyone knows me, is one of my favourite songs of ALL time. Waking up was beautiful; it was snowing and Pilchard the cat was snoring happily on the end of the sofa and I didn't for once actually mind leaving at 10am to meet my Mother for lunch. I bought some green denim hotpants, and Bernadette gave me her navy lacoste jumper to wear for the time being so I now have the perfect outfit to meet Callum in London on Valentines Day (not that I believe in that commercial poo) which as I wrote to Jack in his Valentine delivery thing at school, Hitler made a public holiday and declared it a day for 'love making' so by taking part in Valentines Day, you are actually following Hitler.

Mam took me to see War Horse which I did tear up in considerably. It's a beautiful book but I also believe that the film captured the plot and context very well, also as the woman in front said, the boy who played Albert was pretty tasty.

I'm going to sit and paint my nails grey now to reflect my intensely deep (melodramatic) mood - I am going to see family tomorrow uH and then associate with chavs on Dad's estate. livin' it up.